"Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food."

~Hippocrates~

Monday, March 22, 2010

TO STRESS OR NOT TO STRESS...

I can't remember everything about my earliest years but I can remember worry. I have been a worrier from as far back as I can see. As a survivor of abuse (survivor sounds much better than victim) beginning at an early age, I think becoming a hyper-worrier (yes I made that word up) was one of my survival tactics. There is no good use for my hyper-worrying anymore, yet, I still worry incessantly! I worry that my kids will get really sick, or hurt, or sleep wrong and wake up with a kink in their necks, or die. I worry that my husband will have heart disease, or cancer, or a mid-life crises, or love his duck boat more than me. I worry the inside cats don't get enough fresh air and sunshine, or that the outside cats will fight with the neighbors' cats. I worry that all the windows and doors won't get locked at night, and then worry the house is too locked up to get out in case of a fire. I worry that I have health issues, and worry that my worrying will contribute to more health issues. I worry about my brothers, my sister, my parents, my cousins, my friends, my gray hairs, my weight, my height, my yard, my inability to stop worrying... See a pattern here?

They call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and for me, there is an emphasis on stress, stress, stress. From the moment I wake up, till the moment I finally fall asleep I am in a battle with myself to keep the worrying under control. Now indulge me while I toot my own horn a lil' bit... I HAVE made monumental improvements over the past 18 years! Life is the best it's ever been for me. But there are lasting effects, and my visit to Urgent Care last night was a not so subtle reminder that more improvement is needed. It's scary when your heart starts to beat out of rhythm, when you feel dizzy and short of breath! I've had these heart arrythmias for the past two years or so, but never like tonight, and I'm thinking it's time to take them seriously. So here's the short list of the current health issues I want to make progress on:

Fibromyalgia
Insomnia
Raynaud's Syndrome
Arrythmias
Anxiety
and of course I want to attain a healthy weight.

Is that too much to ask? Without worry, and stress, and physical illness, I wouldn't even be the same person. And yep, that worries me... Because what if nobody recognizes me? Or worse, what if nobody likes me?

I'd sit here and stew over those worries if I could, but I think I forgot to lock the bathroom window downstairs... Gotta go double check!

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